Here’s a scientific experiment you don’t want to try: Take one neurotic dalmatian with a food fetish and mix with a seven-pound box of Alaska brand granular fish fertilizer. The result ain’t pretty, folks. In fact, it’s downright explosive.
Today was focused on working in the yard, planting new plants and transplanting others. And of course, we like to use environmentally responsible fertilizer. Enter the Alaska fish product. Midway through the project, we needed a quick run to Home Depot. Upon our return, the wife sees Abbey (the dalmatian) with her head firmly buried in the now mangled cardboard box. We figure the poor girl chowed through two to three pounds of the smelly stuff.
A quick call to the poison hotline made us feel a bit better. “She’ll probably have a rough night with some gastro-intestinal distress.”
Oh gawd. For those who aren’t familiar with dalmatians, they can clear a room multiple times an evening. It’s toxic chemical warfare against the humans.
Sure enough, Abbey was blowing from both ends, which led us to a tough decision: She would have to spend the night outside. As I write this, it’s 11 p.m., and 65 degrees out … plenty warm enough for a creature with fur. But as long as she’s been a part of our family, Abbey has always slept in our bedroom. Even at this moment, she is crying and trying to bark through the bark collar around her neck. It will be a long night for the girl.
Fortunately, she’s not the brightest bulb in the box — and is our family’s only resident Republican — so, much like members of the Bush Administration under oath, she won’t remember a thing by this time tomorrow.
